[OASIS Issue Tracker] Commented: (MQTT-111) Summary of editorial issues Security SC WD02 (Sections 1 & 2)

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    [ http://tools.oasis-open.org/issues/browse/MQTT-111?page=com.atlassian.jira.plugin.system.issuetabpanels:comment-tabpanel&focusedCommentId=36630#action_36630 ] 

Richard Coppen commented on MQTT-111:
-------------------------------------

Section 5 referred to 'conformance clauses' before the document was restructured.
Moving to the new template resolves (26) above.

> Summary of editorial issues Security SC WD02 (Sections 1 & 2)
> -------------------------------------------------------------
>
>                 Key: MQTT-111
>                 URL: http://tools.oasis-open.org/issues/browse/MQTT-111
>             Project: OASIS Message Queuing Telemetry Transport (MQTT) TC
>          Issue Type: Bug
>          Components: SecuritySC_edits
>            Reporter: Richard Coppen
>            Assignee: Louis-P Lamoureux
>
> Summary of edits issues following read through of the first couple of sections of WD02
> 1. No line numbers in current doc. Line numbers would be helpful when raising issues so a specific area of the doc can be targeted.
> 2. MQTT version number is incorrect - should be v3.1.1 (The TC template's naming should be resolved in the CSD, so it's probably best to link to the TC's CSD01)
> 3. Doc should link back to the MQTT core spec CSD
> 4. Missing Abstract. The abstract should also clearly position the document clearly e.g., it's a guide to help get you off the ground with NIST cybersecurity.?
> 5. Copyright year is incorrect in footer (probably a template problem, but would be good to update to avoid confusion later)
> 6. Working draft title (version) and template don't match - should be WD02 ?
> 7. Page 1: Fully qualify as  National Institute of Standards and Technology (NIST) the first time it's introduced ?
> 8. Section 1. "assimilation with the MQTT.." --> "Relationship with the MQTT"
> 9. Section 1. "will focus" --> "focuses on"
> 10. The terms "Framework" and "The Framework" have been overloaded and are probably not obvious to someone reading this for the first time. From my understanding there are two different Frameworks are being referenced: the MQTT Framework and the NIST Framework. For clarity, it would be helpful to fully qualify throughout.
> 11. Cyber Security --> "Cybersecurity" (as per NIST doc).
> 12. Section 1.1.1: Propose removal of sentence 1 (if it's essential to keep it, there are two possible problems: "compilation" --> "combination".  M2M/IoT narrows document scope and excludes other domains such as mobile and other industry specific deployments.)
> 13. "management of MQTT and M2M related Cyber Security risk" --> "management of MQTT Cyber Security risk." (e.g., avoid narrowing the scope)
> 14. Terminology section should be added
> 15. Table of Contents does not match document structure
> 16. List references should be added to the front  of the document so that terms / citations can be linked back.
> 17. Section 1.1.3 "manages MQTT and M2M related Cyber Security" --> "manages MQTT Cybersecurity"
> 18. Section headings in Section 1.2 need to match up with the remainder of the document
> 19. "MQTT Framework Implementation Tiers" is not labelled as "Section 3", is currently a continuation of Section 2.
> 20. Section 2 "can be used to manage M2M/IoT centric organizations where the MQTT protocol is prevalent." --> "can be used to manage organizations where the MQTT protocol is prevalent." (again, avoiding narrowing the scope of the document)
> 21. "and serves as an onset for a" --> "provides a starting point for a"
> 22. Section 2.1: initial list not capitalized e.g., "develop" --> "Develop"
> 23. "the institutional understanding of which MQTT and M2M related organizational" --> "the institutional understanding of how MQTT related"
> 24. Section 2.1: Informative references column needs to be completed (inserting references back to the relevant source / subcategory). Alternatively the column could be replaced with a list of references at the end of each section.
> 25. ISO 29129 --> ISO 29192 ?
> 26. Section 5 is probably not required as non-normative in terms of the core MQTT specification (may be an OASIS admin function to remove it on publication) ?

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