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Subject: RE: [tgf] Business Case Flyer
Hi John, I think this is a lot better but still have some of the concerns that I mentioned before e.g. where do we back up the claim of dealing with front-line staff? WRT the text, a few suggestions (primarily to improve readability):- · Page 1 box – Replace 1st “which” with “that” (makes it more positive) · Page 2, para 2 last line – Replace “practices” with “practice” · Page 3 Transformational Government Bullet 4 Replace “New” with “A” (a number of government already have something (which may require enhancement) in this space). · Page 4 Point 5 – “Citizens” and Businesses” should be singular · Page 4 Point 6 “……any method or approach…..” I’m not really sure about this point. However, it should be put in a positive (rather than defensive) manner. One for the marketers, I think. · Layout. Generally OK but I don’t think words should be broken across lines. Regards Nig Nig Greenaway Government Division FUJITSU Lovelace Road, Bracknell, Berkshire, RG12 8SN Tel: +44 (0) 843 354 5637 Internal: 7302 5637 Mob : +44 (0) 7867 833147 Internal: 7383 3147 E-mail: nig.greenaway@uk.fujitsu.com From: John Borras [mailto:johnaborras@yahoo.co.uk] Thanks for your comments which I hope I have captured in the attached. So can we have one last review before we look to sign it off at the next TC meeting. In particular does this final version really set out the business case, is it convincing enough, does it answer some/all of the comments we’ve received recently, etc.? And for those of you that have Marketing departments can you get your experts to cast an eye over it and let me have any suggestions for improvement on the design, layout, format etc. Final contributions please by Wednesday 8th June. John From: John Borras [mailto:johnaborras@yahoo.co.uk] Thanks to Colin and Nig for their comments. Can I have any other views please by close of play on Wednesday 25th May. I’d like to hear views on the general approach as well as detailed textual changes. This will be an important part of our publicity and thus we need to ensure we get the basic messages correctly focused, so please take a few minutes to review it and share your opinions. Regards John Borras Chair OASIS TGF Technical Committee m. +(0)44 7976 157745 Skype: gov3john www.oasis-open.org/committees/tc_home.php?wg_abbrev=tgf From: Greenaway Nigel [mailto:Nig.Greenaway@uk.fujitsu.com] Hi John, As discussed yesterday, and based on feedback from Government practitioners, I have tried to reword parts of the business case. So that everyone can see the changes and so that I can insert a few comments, I have copied some of the text into a word document and used marked changes. I follow this with the clear text that would result from adopting those changes to facilitate understanding and reviews by others. The basic premise that I have used in deriving these comments is that we need to be less overtly critical of e-Government projects/programmes as :- 1. To dismiss all e-Government activity as failing will upset many practitioners and make it personally impossible for them to share and promote TGF with their bosses/customers 2. There are successes in the field – this is where we are picking up and sharing good practice and experience from. 3. Time has moved on and there are new capabilities available due to technology changes, lessons having been learnt and experience showing that good practice can be transferred from wherever it originates into a large number of other situations 4. A general maturation of Government ICT and the policies required by government organisations is taking place (IMO). I also have some comments further to those in the marked up document.:- 1. I don’t think we need to date to be so prominent. I suggest a version and audience description (as discussed yesterday) would be better. The audiences can be derived from the TGF audiences and would enable us to empathise more closely with their respective viewpoints. 2. Page 2 Title – “Why TGF?” I suggest retitling this (taking K’s point that frameworks rise a fall over time) as “Why a new framework?” 3. Page 3 Title I suggest changing this to “The Evolution of TGF from e-Government” 4. Page 4 I suggest retitling simply as “The TGF” and changing the some of the numbered points to flow a little better(see marked up document) And now the detail:- <<20110520 - TGF Business Case (NG Comments).docx>> Regards Nig Nig Greenaway Government Division FUJITSU Lovelace Road, Bracknell, Berkshire, RG12 8SN Tel: +44 (0) 843 354 5637 Internal: 7302 5637 Mob : +44 (0) 7867 833147 Internal: 7383 3147 E-mail: nig.greenaway@uk.fujitsu.com
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