RE: [wsdm] Groups - wd-wsdm-primer-mows-1-1-me.doc uploaded

["Wilson, Kirk D" <Kirk.Wilson@ca.com>]

In thinking about this some more, I decided 25 occurrences of just
"Note" is also a bit much.

How is the following?  My old "Note" should become "Notice", which is
what I had intended the reader to do anyway, and I will just drop the
"NOTE:" altogether, which I agree negatively impacts readability, and
just the state the point that was to be NOTEd.  

Kirk Wilson
Architect, Development
Office of the CTO
802 765-4337
 
-----Original Message-----
From: Mark Ellison [mailto:ellison@ieee.org] 
Sent: Saturday, October 15, 2005 11:03 PM
To: Wsdm (E-mail)
Cc: Wilson, Kirk D
Subject: Re: [wsdm] Groups - wd-wsdm-primer-mows-1-1-me.doc uploaded

Thanks Kirk,

I just did not like "NOTE:"  I think that "Note" is an improvement, but 
please note I did not feel that "Please note" was cast in a pleading 
tone, but more of a 'familiar' tone.  Anyway, no objections here to your

suggested change.

Regards,

Mark


Wilson, Kirk D wrote:

>Mark,  As usual, your revisions are very good and improve the
>readability of the text.  However, the one thing I question is the use
>of "Please note" where the original text may have had "Note" or
"NOTE:".
>There are 25 occurrences of the word "Please" in the text--that is
>better than a "Please" every other page!!  After awhile I think it
>starts sounding like pleading with the reader to do something--"Oh,
>won't you please do this".  I don't think we should plead so much. I
>vote just going back to "Note".  
>
>(I think I had a subtle difference between "Note" and "NOTE:"--the
>former is something that the reader could see in the preceding text;
the
>latter constituted independent information that supplements the
provided
>information--but I'm not sure I always followed my own convention and
>perhaps the distinction is too subtle and is lost on the reader.)
>
>Anyone have thoughts on this?
>
>Kirk Wilson
>Architect, Development
>Office of the CTO
>802 765-4337
> 
>-----Original Message-----
>From: ellison@ieee.org [mailto:ellison@ieee.org] 
>Sent: Friday, October 14, 2005 2:10 PM
>To: wsdm@lists.oasis-open.org
>Subject: [wsdm] Groups - wd-wsdm-primer-mows-1-1-me.doc uploaded
>
>The document named wd-wsdm-primer-mows-1-1-me.doc has been submitted by
>Mark Ellison to the OASIS Web Services Distributed Management (WSDM) TC
>document repository.
>
>Document Description:
>These are my readability edits for the MOWS primer.
>
>Hopefully these changes improve reader understanding of this primer and
>hopefully I have not altered the technical accuracy of this material.
>
>View Document Details:
>http://www.oasis-open.org/apps/org/workgroup/wsdm/document.php?document
_
>id=14906
>
>Download Document:  
>http://www.oasis-open.org/apps/org/workgroup/wsdm/download.php/14906/wd
-
>wsdm-primer-mows-1-1-me.doc
>
>
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