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Hi Walt,
I'm going to start to create a full fledged example
based on this thread.
Here's the situation, in terms of problems and
solution.
What I did was make *explicit* some of the
characteristics involved in the communication between each of you.
This is a *rough* draft...however, determine some
of the elements of communication you feel are involved here that has caused this
breakdown to occur.
QUESTIONS FOR WALT (after describing the element
below)...
Are these *all* the elements you feel are
necessary to clarify in order to solve in your problem?
Are there any other elements related to your
disagreements which you would like to add?
Hear from you soon.
----------------
PROBLEM: friendship has broken down.
Both sides p*** each other off.
SOLUTION: make explicit some of the
characteristics, and the problem will make itself known.../
friendliness level: ADSR
friendship duration: ADSR
emotion
anger level: over
time ADSR
events person = "other" referrent =
"walt"
emotion
emotion
party=""
time
reaction
events person = "walt" referrent =
"other"
emotion
emotion
upset party =""
time
reaction
conversation
intention= ???
Point_of_View person="walt"
Walter
sorespot
problems
problems
Other
sorespot
sorespot
problems
problems
Point_of_view person="other"
Walter
sorespot
problems
problems
Other
sorespot
sorespot
problems
problems
----------
Ranjeeth Kumar Thunga
----- Original Message -----
Sent: Wednesday, November 07, 2001 12:19
AM
Subject: Re: [humanmarkup-comment] WHAT
HAPPENED?!?
I suspect this has happened to most of us at one time or another. The one
time it happened to me, the friendship got considerably stronger, but the
breakdown was about 6 months long. As for the best friend who has disappeared,
I have no clue about that whatsoever. I don't recall doing anything and he did
nothing and I never have gotten upset about anything except the disappearance,
so I remain clueless. My take is that any friendship is worth the effort, but
the time that worked out it wasn't me that made the reconciling move, so what
do I really know?
Ciao,
Rex
At 9:51 PM -0500 11/6/01, Walt Hucal wrote:
I thought this
might be an interesting topic; I'm going to try to explain what happened in
the best way possible.
Ok, lets take a
"hypothetical" situation where you and I get into this "fight", one based on
conflict of interests.
Let's say that you
and I have a pretty good, decent friendship. And let's say I did
something that really pissed you off. And by the same token, I see
that YOU did something that really pissed ME off. We end up not
talking for a couple months because of that strain. We both can't
UNDERSTAND WHY we got into this mess, considering we're good
friends. So eventually we open back up to each other and begin to
describe how we reacted and why.
After a few hours
of talking back and forth, we both get nowhere near understanding each
other. What pissed you off may have been no big deal to me, and what
pissed ME off may have been no big deal to YOU. We try to put
ourselves in each others shoes, but the 100% understanding is never really
there. That strain is still there from that hurt, but is it worth
giving up a friendship over that?
See, I think we end
up knowing a person's sore spot (vulnerable point), and we be careful not to
infringe on it. But we never really understand WHY that is a person's
sore spot.
Does this kinda
make sense? Is there another way to tackle this? Do any of you
have any idea what I'm talking about? Too many friends are lost b/c of
these situations, and even after opening back up to each other, I wonder if
we are off any better or closer to each other than before? This has
happened to me about 3 times already over the past 3 months. I
seem to be batting 1.000 ;-) Ok, I lied, this is not really a
hypothetical situation, it's real... Hey, it's not like you can
continue the friendship and just ignore the "hurt" that was
done... So...
Maybe I should be
writing to Dr. Joyce Brothers...
-Walt
--
Rex Brooks
GeoAddress: 1361-A
Addison, Berkeley, CA, 94702 USA, Earth
W3Address:
http://www.starbourne.com
Email: rexb@starbourne.com
Tel: 510-849-2309
Fax: By
Request
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